Thursday, February 26, 2009

Moving in with and old lady

I returned to my parent's home to find my room was no longer my room. The old furniture from the basement now sat where my bed once reigned for 20 plus years. How could they get rid of my bed like yesterday's leftovers? And what happened to my Bon Jovi posters I'd been collecting for 12 years? My parents were acting like a bunch of birds who were forcing their young out of the nest before they're ready to fly. You know what happens to birds who are pushed from the nest too soon? That's right! They become road pancakes or supper for the neighborhood cat. I'm too young to swim in the stomach juices of a vagrant cat.

"What the hell! Where is all my stuff?" I yelled at my father, who was enjoying his new spot on his lazy boy where my bed once belonged. He sipped his beer and looked at me.

"New plans, sweetheart. You're moving down the street," he said and calmly sipped his beer. He refocused on the television and I turned to my mother.

"What is going on here?" I yelled to my mother.

"You're moving in with Mrs. Haggart down the street."

"Old Mrs. Haggart? The woman who cuts the grass with that old rusty lawnmower? The one with the rotating blade? The one that feeds on old lady power instead of electricity?"

My mother rearranged the flowers in the vase on the table. She then moved the doily underneath to make sure it was perfectly centered beneath the vase. This was just like my mother to be making sure everything in her world was in perfect order. She brushed my fathers toe from the end table because it managed to slip from its spot on the chair's leg rest. everything in her life was perfect and moving her one fault from the house was her solution.

"Mrs. Haggart is senile! Does she even know I'm moving in or am I going to be some stranger she calls the police on every time I try to get a glass of water?"

"Lisa, You're being ridiculous. She's not senile. She's a little old, that's all. We've already moved all your stuff into her attic. She's knows you're coming. She said she'll enjoy the company."

"We're not even related to Mrs. Haggart. What kind of psychotic people would arrange for their daughter to move into a random stranger's attic. This is how horror movies begin, you know?"

"Lisa, it's for the best. All your stuff is already over there."

"You people suck."

I realized my life would never be the same.


Grand Pooba said...

wtf? No really,



Why in the hell would they even think about moving you into the old lady's house? Are they expecting you to be her caretaker and think it'd be good for you?

Seriously though, wtf? You can come move in with me, if you don't mind living in Utah with a bunch of conservative judgemental church goers that is. But your always welcome to crash at my place!

Anonymous said...

Wow. There's two things that immediately spring to mind.

That's appalling!

How your parents can think its okay to 'dump' you on someone else you're not related to, just after you've returned home from hospital... I can't imagine it.

I hope you tell them to stick it. I hope you find somewhere else to stay, somewhere you want to be, where people don't just pack you up and shuffle you off.

You deserve much better than this!!

Anna Lefler said...


Don't let that old broad TOUCH your Bon Jovi posters.


:^) Anna

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Grand Pooba said...

Please tell me you're still alive!