Monday, December 15, 2008

Do you want some pudding with that birth control?

I'm so embarrassed. The weekend was a nightmare. Finally having a date, it turned out to be a disaster.

My parent's friends introduced me to their nephew, who works for some Wall Street company. Not actually on Wall Street, but a company with branch offices throughout the country. I think my parents are recruiting everyone they know to find me a boyfriend so they can drive me out of the house. I decided to go along since it would get me out for the holidays.

Long story short, I decided to get on birth control - again. Very optimistic, huh? I quit taking my last prescription because it gave me severe abdominal pains, not worth the regularity of PMS the pills provide. I decided to give it another go with a different brand. All side effects were pretty much the same, including a slight chance of diarrhea. Go figure, there is a slim chance of winning the lottery, which I've never won, but I managed to win the "squirts" lottery.

How many times can a lady powder her nose before looking like a clown? In and out, in and out, the trips continued to the restroom and my date looked confused.

"Are you alright," he asked.

"To be honest, no. I'm like a leaky faucet tonight," I explained.

"Excuse me?" my date said.

"Listen, I need you to take me home before the night gets more embarrassing than it already is," I explained.

"But we didn't eat," he replied.

"You'll be getting chocolate pudding for dessert if you don't take me home," I explained with a strange grin.

I don't think there will be any second dates with this one...


Bulldog said...

someone told me just the other day that chocolate is a substitute for sex, this is NOT what I thought!

Girl Interrupted said...

Substitute for Sex? What? No. How funny to be a fly on the wall at that date....I would still be laughing hysterically! Nice writing. It's the best part of blogging, getting it all out there and not caring what people think about it!-V

Grand Pooba said...

LMAO! What? No second date? With the offering of pudding I would think you were a shoe in!

One Hypo said...

Bulldog: no pudding for you?

Girl: If you were a fly, you wouldn't be on the wall for long, being there was something good happening in the bathroom.

Grand Pooba: he might call if he has a sense of humor. I'm keeping my fingers crossed.

Anonymous said...

I recently came across your blog and have been reading along. I thought I would leave my first comment. I don't know what to say except that I have enjoyed reading. Nice blog. I will keep visiting this blog very often.


One Hypo said...

Thank you Sarah! I'm going to check out your blog right now.

RBV said...

It's funny how I also tend to consistently win the side-effects lottery but never win the actual one. I dig your candor.